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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51565) - you deserved it (3055)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

#17177667
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29956) - you deserved it (8314)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:03pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

#17172932
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44830) - you deserved it (6674)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:24am - kids - by hatemylife - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

#17167728
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37333) - you deserved it (12525)

On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42007) - you deserved it (6086)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38423) - you deserved it (8041)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

#17134448
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43291) - you deserved it (4606)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

#17113139
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16267) - you deserved it (68514)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

#17088457
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34519) - you deserved it (6830)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

#17078308
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25422) - you deserved it (3416)

On 07/12/2011 at 8:19am - kids - by SaggyBoy135 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

#17067732
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14795) - you deserved it (55536)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

#17064956
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45939) - you deserved it (4184)

On 07/11/2011 at 10:24am - kids - by cocacoola (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33414) - you deserved it (12198)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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