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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

#6692525
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4996) - you deserved it (62818)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

#6681968
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24179) - you deserved it (5612)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

#6666980
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (4046)

On 12/08/2009 at 5:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15024) - you deserved it (33034)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

#6660369
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30512) - you deserved it (3221)

On 12/08/2009 at 2:02am - kids - by ClothMom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

#6643821
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21735) - you deserved it (5996)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by proudparent (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23548) - you deserved it (16286)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

#6633448
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32407) - you deserved it (11921)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm - kids - by Sadface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the electrician came because our kitchen light has been flickering. After examining the installation, he screws the lightbulb tighter in the socket. My parents both are PhDs. FML

#6596231
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24508) - you deserved it (7183)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:16am - kids - by PhDdaughter (woman) - Switzerland (Fribourg)

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

#6579311
387 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18058) - you deserved it (74480)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:55am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

#6554102
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35908) - you deserved it (10048)

On 12/01/2009 at 5:24pm - kids - by poopiemanlol - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

#6544592
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8182) - you deserved it (34610)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:53pm - kids - by PntsLessWonder (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

#6532401
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35359) - you deserved it (2772)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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