Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35994) - you deserved it (4311)
On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38303) - you deserved it (7317)
On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44177) - you deserved it (2757)
On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man
Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42097) - you deserved it (2533)
On 06/06/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by butisavedyourkid - United States
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (6372)
On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version
Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38936) - you deserved it (2914)
On 06/02/2013 at 3:45pm - kids - by I keep failing it all (woman) - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)
Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39809) - you deserved it (4448)
On 06/02/2013 at 4:29am - kids - by samabomination - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32591) - you deserved it (3374)
On 05/31/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54840) - you deserved it (4108)
On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14996) - you deserved it (38488)
On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46777) - you deserved it (9606)
On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39738) - you deserved it (2716)
On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39913) - you deserved it (7184)
On 05/25/2013 at 12:37am - kids - by Laurel (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
