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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22491) - you deserved it (1481)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

#21459659
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12716) - you deserved it (12309)

On 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

#21458825
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23822) - you deserved it (6115)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:25am - kids - by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay (man) - Malta

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

#21458278
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (1730)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm - kids - by ambiiii - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

#21458250
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22097) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm - kids - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

#21457997
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34914) - you deserved it (1865)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

#21456831
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17701) - you deserved it (7828)

On 08/16/2015 at 7:37pm - kids - by donuts678 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

#21456120
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20278) - you deserved it (1572)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm - kids - by Tyrez (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24282) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

#21455380
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21927) - you deserved it (1890)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by jjjjjohn cena - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

#21454009
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22869) - you deserved it (2085)

On 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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