Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (183218) - you totally deserved it (5994)
On 03/19/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Perhaps the daughter knows more... ask her about buzzing sounds ;)
#3 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:57pm by couldbeworse55
Maybe she was just masturbating. You should ask your daughter if she remembers her mother being with someone else that night to get some more information before jumping to conclusions.
Let's hope for the best!
#4 - On 03/19/2009 at 5:57pm by pineapple18
lol, she probably just had a really big, black, juicy vibrator, you better hope she did
#9 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:01pm by alex_smokin_okin
Probably you wife satisfied herself on her own, but didn't think your daughter could hear her as she should have been sleeping.
could have easily been a vibrator. and they are so silent these days your daughter couldn't of heard it. im sure she would have told you if someone was in the house who she didn't know.
#15 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:04pm by xoprettystars
#10 i highly beg to differ. check around for a vibrator ;)
#16 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:05pm by noellemarie
Poor kid is probably gonna be in therapy for the rest of her life when she finally figures it out.
And #10 you know denial isn't just a river in egypt right? :s
#17 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:08pm by MissFortune
Oh, relax, she was probably taking care of business herself. What do you think she did before she had you!? :)
How old is your daughter and does she understand the concept of time yet? I agree with the rest, probably taking care of herself.
#21 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:26pm by GeriSomething
oh dude... if she wus cheating i feel sorry for u.
if she wus masturbating or toying around then wipe the sweat off ur brow cus u dodged a bullet
oh nd i think #10 wus jus bein sarcastic
Your wife is probably cheating on you. That's the only logical conclusion anyone should come to. You should probably retaliate.
#26 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:40pm by Stormy_2021
oh god cross your fingers and hope she was masturbating...
#28 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:41pm by RavensRule97
#16/17... I'm pretty sure #10 was using this thing called "sarcasm". He was most likely making fun of the OP for jumping to conclusions.
"So, did mommys friend come over? Did he help her make noises?"
#32 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:48pm by Paulspacefdot
I'm pretty sure she was just masturbating, as a few others have said. I'm sure your daughter would've mentioned if someone else was in the house, or something.
#33 - On 03/19/2009 at 6:50pm by greedy_dead_soul
maybe your daughter is evil like the son in the movie the "Good Son". She set up this elaborate scheme in hopes that this information would send you into a murderous, jealous rage. As a result, your wife would be taken out of the picture and you would go to jail, thus leaving her with the family fortune.... purely diabolical... and perfectly sensical. you should probably initiate a pre-emptive strike on your daughter.
#37 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:13pm by badboy6865
#36 you're hilarious!!
#38 i think you're watching too much tv..
#39 - On 03/19/2009 at 7:26pm by lemon_squeezy
haha. kids say the darndest things.
YDI for being "away on business".
sucks that your wife has so much fun without you, regardless of who else may or may not have been present.
What all of you seem to be missing is that the daughter was imitating his wife. Said wife probably was flicking the bean, but had to lie to her daughter by saying something to the effect of, "mommy was singing," so her daughter thought it was ok to imitate. Now that would be an equally f'd story to share.
#41, My job gets in the way of the masturbation part of my day, but not the Sarcasm. The other 1/3 of my day consists of eating, sleeping, and (very small portion of the day I may add) working.
agree with #44.
though there are a thousand explanations for what happened.
#48 - On 03/19/2009 at 8:09pm by SilentGround
Hrm, Just ask your daughter if a man came by, If he did, she can't have missed him
Well i guess she might be able to, but I doubt your wife would be stupid enough to bring a man over or even sneak him over with your daughter home.
Like others, I'm guessing she was just pleasuring herself.
Hopefully mommy was thinking about you,
If not, well.. better you straighten it out now, and maybe talk to your daughter a little more in depth about last night.
#10, then how the hell do you get any pleasure?! because Im guessing no one wants to be with such a dumbass! Lmao:)
Well I suggest a keylogger on the ol' computer to see about some outside action. But I have to agree that she was probably clicking her own mouse button.
yeah i definitely think that she was masturbating. pull a previous FML, but instead. fake that you are going on a business trip and tell your daughter to hide in the closet and then yell out when your wife starts making those noises haha.
There's too many simiar to this. Fake?
Also, could someone please tell me what monitoring the comments is??
#65 - When you monitor the comments it give you a notification when someone else posts a comment on that specific FML.
Given how hard it would be conceal someone else being there, it's pretty obviously some self-gratification. Nevertheless, the OP has the right to FHL when his wife wouldn't wait *one night* for him to get back so they could both have some fun. Bummer.
#67 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:46pm by Inoku
like i told another person with an FML that relates to this,
divorce her ass and take some sh*t from her like money or whatever, the house, i don't know, and if u love ur daughter take custody if not, leave her with that b*tch,
and then u win at life.
#68 - On 03/19/2009 at 11:57pm by realhorrorshow88
#67--He never said he was away for only one night. He only said he was gone the night before.
#69 - On 03/20/2009 at 12:07am by MarcusJones713
#69: Even if he had been gone months, he presumably told her he was arriving soon/the next day (because if he hadn't, the FML would've included "I came home early" or something), and she still couldn't just wait until he got there.
#70 - On 03/20/2009 at 12:09am by Inoku
It's no biggie she was probably just flickin her bean. I'd be more worried about ur daughter :(
#76 - On 03/20/2009 at 1:31am by tarheel_fan
Kamikaze...just...why? You do this on so many FML's. I mean, what's the point? Is pissing people off really the most entertaining hobby you can come up with? Take out your aggression with some porn and a bottle of lotion. Quit irritating the people who don't realize what you're during and make the world a more loving place. I mean, seriously, if you really need attention that badly then there are more constructive and positive ways to get it. Do yourself a favor, man...
Beat your wife then leave her. Hope you signed a prenump. Then spend the extra cash on hookers and drugs and send her the kid on the weekends.
Kill the other guy
maybe it's just me, but when i'm masturbating i tend to stay on the quieter side
#85 - On 03/20/2009 at 6:48am by uminuscooll
#85.. No, like who the hell are you trying to please moaning.. yourself?
So Im sorry man, but I think that was isn't all that logical.
Im loving #37 to lighten the mood. Haha.
LMAO. If she was masturbating, would she really be making -- that -- much noise? Come now. My gf is a wild thrashing moaner when we have sex. I caught her masturbating once and she was rather quite.
#89 - On 03/20/2009 at 9:32am by Shadowflames420
Most likely your daughter heard those sounds weeks ago. Or your wife was masterbating. Don't even ask your wife about this. Trust her until she gives you a real reason for distrust.
#91 - On 03/20/2009 at 9:47am by 1st_time_caller_
Masterbating?! Seriously.
Man, how much noise do you make when you masturbate?
Great fucking way to find out your wifey is a horndog.
#26 & #38, I'm pretty getting revenge and doing the same thing she could have possibly done it completely not the right thing to do.
He needs to figure out what really happened, and then go from there.
Good luck!
#95 - On 03/20/2009 at 8:50pm by ayeeitsisabel
I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt too and assume she was just masturbating.
#96 - On 03/20/2009 at 9:21pm by TheNameless
lol good that you now know your daughter can hear anything pretty much. she was prob just masterbating.. but seriously who does it that loud and crazy??
#98 - On 03/21/2009 at 1:42am by DeepSleep8
I'm thinkin' masturbating. Why don't you ask your daughter if anyone visited last night? Kids see everything....
How about talking to your wife about it instead of your daughter? Do you really want to get your daughter involved when she doesn't have to be by asking her questions about who she saw or what she heard? I think asking your daughter questions about this is the wrong way to go about this situation. Try talking to your wife first.
#101 - On 03/22/2009 at 1:40pm by SFemily
haha the girl also says "daddy daddy your voice sounded very different last night"
#103 - On 03/26/2009 at 12:13am by YourLifeDoeSuck
Probably just playing with herself... was that night the only time she ever moaned? and was your daughter with her in the room? :S
#101 couldn't be more wrong.
"Honey, little _____ mentioned mentioned that you were making funny noises the other night..."
"Are you accusing me of cheating you bastard!!?? I wouldn't blame me, what with all your business trips!!"
It just wouldn't end well.
Just ask the daughter if there was any other voice. If not she was going solo, if there was, plan revenge.
#106 - On 03/30/2009 at 1:09pm by TheMacDougall
er, wtf? Who actually makes noises when they're masturbating?!?! That's retarded.
#111 - On 04/12/2009 at 6:43pm by giffinator
im sorry. but maybe she wasn't cheating, it could have been a vibrator
#114 - On 04/21/2009 at 7:58pm by DanielleMazz
children tell no tells!! they say what they hear and thats just sad...and annoying *shaks fist in air* blasted kids and their big mouths! your wife could have been alone and all that jazz....
#115 - On 04/26/2009 at 3:19am by 19d00m_bAbE99
#36 - the best comment i ever read on this site, and i've probably read every comment on about half the fmls.
Don't worry, children don't really understand the concept of time at a young age, it gets jumbled and distorted..she heard you two weeks earlier:D
#124 - On 05/27/2009 at 10:24pm by i8shrooms
ok wow the wife culd have snuck some1 in i mean u never kno unless ur ther and thers the possibility of masturbation
#125 - On 05/27/2009 at 10:24pm by i_hate_my_life22
keep an open mind for your own sake bro
masterbation....
#126 - On 05/29/2009 at 11:54pm by PBLeesuschrist13
lollll maybee she misssseddd youu so
muchh that shee useddd sex toysss
dontt worry lol talk about it with her..
#127 - On 05/30/2009 at 5:14pm by FUCKTHIS92
Kids don't understand the concept of time. She probably remembered the sounds from a previous night. Don't get all worked up about it. Just ask your wife about it you'll never know unless you do.
#130 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:55pm by cheergirl16
Probably just masturbating. I doubt she was cheating.
#133 - On 07/03/2009 at 5:50pm by SomeRandomGuy18
My daughter is five and has no seance of time...last night could mean last week to her, she'll say "We went to grandma's house yesterday" when we went two weeks ago.
#134 - On 07/06/2009 at 2:46pm by vixnbrianaf
maybe she was using a vibrator or something who knows she could be doing.....
ask your daughter if your wife had company..?
hope the best for you sorry that sucks
i hope that before u started screaming at her or w.e u would do if she was cheating u.
u thought about MASTURBATION or DILDOS or something :)
but she could be cheating on u
but also would she be stupid enough to do it while ur child was there most likley not....
but oh well bet u didnt think of that so
:P ahahahaa
that must really suck i would totally comfront her
#143 - On 09/06/2009 at 1:36pm by koolkid_sobeluv7
LOLOLOL x7683945764086543086487689456975486485396548764587.
wonder what the kid thinks her mom was doing. ;P
#145 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:42pm by katrinaa_13
omg really? i thinks it depends on her age because some younger kids like about 5yr olds maybe think 7 days ago is called yesturday
#146 - On 10/22/2009 at 3:02pm by krazysexxykul
i think its weird how people are making excuses about not cheating because its a women but in the fml shopping for dinner with a girl and running into his gf's parents people are going crazy on that guy saying he was cheating
