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Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

#21472718
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (2007)

On 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

#21472609
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24247) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by Enanimus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

#21472201
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28617) - you deserved it (5571)

On 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

#21472021
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16445) - you deserved it (20635)

On 09/23/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by dormlyfe - United States (California)

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

#21471776
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21734) - you deserved it (7385)

On 09/23/2015 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Malta

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

#21470947
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (2969)

On 09/21/2015 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

#21470740
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (2282)

On 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm - intimacy - by M - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

#21470529
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27660) - you deserved it (3407)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:44am - intimacy - by no I've never asked for anal (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

#21470523
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24565) - you deserved it (3144)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

#21470063
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31836) - you deserved it (2809)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm - intimacy - by Lady Vulva of the Redwater (woman) -

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

#21468651
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (3991)

On 09/15/2015 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

#21468388
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28235) - you deserved it (2190)

On 09/14/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by annabellatrix (woman) - Hungary



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