Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 12:51am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

by sadandmad / 01/20/2016 at 11:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

by xsnqw / 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

by clostar / 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

by anon / 01/16/2016 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 1:40am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 11:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy