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Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

#21401833
102 comments

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

#21401155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33308) - you deserved it (3605)

On 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my fiancé called me 'thick' for not realising he'd been sleeping with his ex earlier. FML

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

#21399911
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30701) - you deserved it (5962)

On 04/26/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (8907)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

#21399489
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34322) - you deserved it (5276)

On 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

#21399079
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37849) - you deserved it (2463)

On 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Laois)

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (3128)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24216) - you deserved it (10832)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

#21398482
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37464) - you deserved it (2980)

On 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33078) - you deserved it (2853)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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