Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

by peachykeen / 02/14/2016 at 8:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my upstairs neighbor woke me with her sex moans, reminding me how single I'll be on Valentine's. FML

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

by Electro / 02/11/2016 at 4:51pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

by CmS_1733 / 02/11/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my husband if he could at least try to give me an orgasm. His response? "Um... why?" FML

by not satisfied / 02/11/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't aware that he cheated on me the first time. FML

by Ellamare / 02/10/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

by hannieannie / 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

Today, I tutored a third grade girl after school. She was squirming so much I thought she had to go to the bathroom. Turns out, she was just masturbating on the corner of a school chair. FML

by Katie1921 / 02/08/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

by OhDearGodGrandad / 02/07/2016 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (Redbridge) / Intimacy

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

by noO / 02/07/2016 at 12:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy