Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

by ObviousBooty / 07/17/2016 at 3:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

by Lil Bro / 07/16/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

by Grosssss / 07/15/2016 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

by MATTY2512 / 07/13/2016 at 2:13pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

by PizzaNIF / 07/13/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

by Rover / 07/11/2016 at 3:03pm / Intimacy

Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML

by nightjay / 07/11/2016 at 10:32am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

by LoveLost / 07/08/2016 at 10:57pm / Intimacy

Today, I had my guy over for some sexy times. Things stopped before they even started. I watched him pick his nose then wipe it on my freshly changed sheets. He denied it when I called him out on it. FML

by Ananomouse / 07/07/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

by itchtoscratch / 07/04/2016 at 12:14am / Intimacy

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

by albinoalligator / 07/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy