Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

by guess28 / 07/14/2009 at 2:19pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

by unlucky_number13 / 07/14/2009 at 5:41am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

by Ouch / 07/13/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

by RDMdragoon / 07/13/2009 at 7:16am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

by air / 07/13/2009 at 5:17am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2009 at 12:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

by wtf / 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

by i.ask.you.how. / 07/12/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

by robinhoood / 07/12/2009 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

by policeopenup / 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

by crazyt446 / 07/11/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm / Iraq (Arbil) / Intimacy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

by nerd_man01 / 07/10/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy