Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

by Gordon / 07/22/2009 at 10:12am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

by Headphones / 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

by emkatch / 07/21/2009 at 3:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

by picturemenakedbaby / 07/21/2009 at 6:42am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

by fmjob / 07/21/2009 at 12:39am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

by hoho5191 / 07/20/2009 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has known for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

by whitechocolate / 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

by kareed3 / 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

by blackntangirl / 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

by nonmormon / 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

by Meh / 07/18/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy