Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

#602
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10771) - you deserved it (22287)

On 12/26/2008 at 2:53am - intimacy - by Laloose - Sent from mobile version

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

#591
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22521) - you deserved it (5388)

On 12/25/2008 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Nicos - Sent from mobile version

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

#585
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39113) - you deserved it (7434)

On 12/24/2008 at 6:19am - intimacy - by sixsix - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

#583
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8275) - you deserved it (64251)

On 12/24/2008 at 3:40am - intimacy - by lip - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML

#568
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42845) - you deserved it (6452)

On 12/21/2008 at 8:44pm - intimacy - by HeatoN - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

#552
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51425) - you deserved it (6249)

On 12/19/2008 at 11:05am - intimacy - by chicochico - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16274) - you deserved it (27050)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22497) - you deserved it (5834)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10712) - you deserved it (59004)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

#497
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32049) - you deserved it (3237)

On 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Black - Lebanon (Beqaa)

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

#489
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24502) - you deserved it (15957)

On 12/10/2008 at 2:31pm - intimacy - by AudreyUs - United States (California)

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

#487
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31469) - you deserved it (6595)

On 12/10/2008 at 2:48am - intimacy - by Sugao - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

#469
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28846) - you deserved it (7689)

On 12/08/2008 at 7:05am - intimacy - by Soline - Sent from mobile version



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: