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Man or woman?

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44420) - you deserved it (3339)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32022) - you deserved it (9499)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39136) - you deserved it (7869)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19672) - you deserved it (24749)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28624) - you deserved it (6791)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15550) - you deserved it (67879)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

#2565
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (7145)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by God hates me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

#2509
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37805) - you deserved it (4834)

On 01/25/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by aces10 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43019) - you deserved it (3320)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

#2423
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38439) - you deserved it (5215)

On 01/24/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by asdfasdf - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

#2357
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (40682)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

#2349
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25235) - you deserved it (8033)

On 01/23/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by Sleep Walking - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

#2336
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8352) - you deserved it (49213)

On 01/23/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by sadgirl - United States (Virginia)



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