Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2009 at 10:25am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

by Porkchop05 / 09/06/2009 at 1:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

by LaurahLunatic / 09/05/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

by keepsmiling / 09/02/2009 at 7:19am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 5:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

by Mdrk783 / 09/02/2009 at 4:41am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

by sexytime / 09/02/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

by turdburger / 09/02/2009 at 1:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML

by whorica139 / 09/01/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

by mrboston / 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

by UGH / 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

by sadinthesack / 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy