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Man or woman?

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

#4484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61686) - you deserved it (7262)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:27am - intimacy - by SuperJesus - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

#4463
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58982) - you deserved it (2676)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Jack - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (5497)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

#4106
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29049) - you deserved it (9792)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by brighteyes - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17804) - you deserved it (59639)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (43967)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

#3862
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24673) - you deserved it (1824)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by janie - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I thought I was giving a woman the orgasm of a lifetime until I realized that she was telling me to stop pulling her hair. FML

#3826
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (38462)

On 01/30/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Hubris - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37566) - you deserved it (29553)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

#3221
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29765) - you deserved it (3250)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

#3148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21502) - you deserved it (2661)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by hgirl - United States (Maryland)

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

#3084
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48508) - you deserved it (6618)

On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (3328)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)



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