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Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

#55027
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55755) - you deserved it (9211)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by LALALA3 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

#54872
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42162) - you deserved it (4402)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by IBleedArbor - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54021) - you deserved it (16173)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

#48381
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43356) - you deserved it (9516)

On 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

#47505
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50074) - you deserved it (5877)

On 02/15/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by miapapaya (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

#42695
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36672) - you deserved it (6326)

On 02/14/2009 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Grossed out (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

#38126
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40288) - you deserved it (3579)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:59pm - intimacy - by Mr. Hopeless (man) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

#37310
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41231) - you deserved it (4913)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by kiwi (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

#30994
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41481) - you deserved it (10562)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by skipper - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26070) - you deserved it (51098)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

#30294
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43305) - you deserved it (12863)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by thegoldenboy3 (man) - Spain (Andalucia)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21017) - you deserved it (48787)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)



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