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Man or woman?

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37524) - you deserved it (29519)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

#3221
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (3246)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

#3148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21466) - you deserved it (2660)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by hgirl - United States (Maryland)

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

#3084
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48309) - you deserved it (6597)

On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44254) - you deserved it (3327)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31905) - you deserved it (9481)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38963) - you deserved it (7850)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19186) - you deserved it (24175)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27915) - you deserved it (6700)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15481) - you deserved it (67669)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

#2565
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28075) - you deserved it (7085)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by God hates me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

#2509
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37663) - you deserved it (4825)

On 01/25/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by aces10 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42849) - you deserved it (3309)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)



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