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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

#90751
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92642) - you deserved it (4326)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by screewit (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67497) - you deserved it (10663)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50894) - you deserved it (25534)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

#84789
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84573) - you deserved it (17655)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (4881)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

#71498
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33311) - you deserved it (5291)

On 02/18/2009 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by happyasaclam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24465) - you deserved it (57432)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

#70124
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27278) - you deserved it (53895)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by swtkiss1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50963) - you deserved it (20853)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

#69472
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107372) - you deserved it (9832)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by notsohappy (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

#64211
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60536) - you deserved it (19378)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

#62926
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43447) - you deserved it (2864)

On 02/17/2009 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by KTK (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45180) - you deserved it (3055)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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