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Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

#22263
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43949) - you deserved it (15265)

On 02/10/2009 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9049) - you deserved it (62455)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

#21100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11891) - you deserved it (41976)

On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

#18490
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38408) - you deserved it (8220)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by leelee50 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31442) - you deserved it (434109)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

#18143
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84220) - you deserved it (17482)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

#16862
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (2188)

On 02/09/2009 at 2:51am - intimacy - by V (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48616) - you deserved it (3137)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

#15767
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10632) - you deserved it (39679)

On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

#11750
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42324) - you deserved it (5881)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

#9718
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12380) - you deserved it (45011)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:39am - intimacy - by menerethrr - United States (Virginia)



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