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Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84657) - you deserved it (21027)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25418) - you deserved it (66122)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

#107726
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32264) - you deserved it (16572)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64720) - you deserved it (5136)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75771) - you deserved it (7061)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61949) - you deserved it (6369)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (77981)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

#98497
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81335) - you deserved it (6236)

On 02/21/2009 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by pchemist (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91647) - you deserved it (6871)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80814) - you deserved it (7345)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28307) - you deserved it (48024)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

#92006
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53088) - you deserved it (9364)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by x (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

#90751
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92398) - you deserved it (4320)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by screewit (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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