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Today, I tried fir the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom.

#1775896
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (78511)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71681) - you deserved it (42787)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

YESTERDAY WHILE WORKING AS A MAKEUP ARTIST IN THE MALL , I WAS APPROACHED BY A MAN WHO WANTED TO TRY LIPSTICK (NOT UNUSUAL WE DO A LOT OF DRAG). WHILE I'M APPLYING IT HE STARTS TO MAKE GROSS NOISES AN AFTER A QUICK GLANCE I REALIZE HE HAS A MASSIVE ERECTION. HE THEN WHISPERS MMMM DON'T STOP NOW. FML

#1745966
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75289) - you deserved it (3921)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

#1744807
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53628) - you deserved it (12870)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today , I found out that the guy i've been having sex with 4 over a month didn't know name until today. No wonder he alway ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31413) - you deserved it (65657)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my grlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then calld out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27497) - you deserved it (96848)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML

#1690188
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99457) - you deserved it (22801)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

yesterday I was giving mah friend sex advice when she askd me when was the last time for me . Not only did I lie but I realizd that it was in November and the time before that was June . I have had sex less times this year than she has this week . FML

#1688369
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49060) - you deserved it (10840)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

TODAY...HILE MASTURBATING AT THE COMPUTER... I WAS INTERRUPTD BY A FLASH OF LIGHT OUT OF THE CORNER OF MAH EYE. AS I TURND TO FACE IT... I REALIZD I FORGOT TO CLOSE THE BLINDS. STANDING AT THE WINDOW IN THE APPARTMENT ACROSS THE STREET WERE TWO GIRLS... ONE HAD A CAMERA AN WAS SNAPPING A SECOND SHOT. FML

#1680929
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15188) - you deserved it (60994)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Taday I was talking wit tis cuta guy. I mantionad ta fact tat I'm singla. His rasponsa, "It'd ba awkward, but wa can still fuck." FML

Today, I was about to loose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 yeres, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm making this up. FML

#1604682
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (277783) - you deserved it (17725)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today , I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside mah door , because I didn't have mah glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute , thinking it was mah imagination , mah stepdad said , "you know , I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23574) - you deserved it (83153)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she startd to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes an she jumps up an goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requestd.

#1592425
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71985) - you deserved it (18883)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by Lootz (man) - United States (New York)



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