Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

#511174
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126270) - you deserved it (20365)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

#507959
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (215395) - you deserved it (27947)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

#504108
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146973) - you deserved it (7114)

On 03/21/2009 at 1:33am - intimacy - by willywonks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29609) - you deserved it (110631)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51891) - you deserved it (15841)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

#483851
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (135788) - you deserved it (13407)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14584) - you deserved it (94235)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125466) - you deserved it (12721)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

#470055
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33437) - you deserved it (87913)

On 03/19/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by LindseyS (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

#467270
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20449) - you deserved it (64354)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138650) - you deserved it (8565)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

#459925
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82194) - you deserved it (15034)

On 03/19/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by Zoe123 (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: