Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

by vadoodoo22 / 01/15/2010 at 12:02am / Intimacy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

by nooneatall / 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm / Intimacy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

by scubai / 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

by Nosexytime / 01/14/2010 at 10:56am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

by Jaayoung23 / 01/14/2010 at 10:47am / Intimacy

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

by windskurfer / 01/14/2010 at 9:54am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend asked me "is it in yet?" FML

by anun / 01/14/2010 at 9:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

by cantgetitupcantgetiton / 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

by Narehs / 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

by notasgood / 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

by Upbrakie / 01/12/2010 at 8:09am / United States / Intimacy