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Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

#4574757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12209) - you deserved it (50520)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

#4572543
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55326) - you deserved it (8250)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

#4570471
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46026) - you deserved it (7504)

On 08/16/2009 at 10:32am - intimacy - by juliaspaperbags (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60515) - you deserved it (4518)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46760) - you deserved it (21983)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

#4527001
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46681) - you deserved it (9940)

On 08/14/2009 at 2:33pm - intimacy - by vicgal - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

#4524259
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47779) - you deserved it (7202)

On 08/14/2009 at 11:53am - intimacy - by seeminglyunsexy (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

#4511410
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49674) - you deserved it (18302)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by onehundredpercenteffed (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68183) - you deserved it (7644)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102932) - you deserved it (5150)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

#4466050
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31225) - you deserved it (57170)

On 08/12/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

#4465464
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64691) - you deserved it (9409)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

#4448908
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48780) - you deserved it (19363)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Teamarie (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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