Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

by ambermcnulty / 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm / Intimacy

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

by audied / 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 10:49am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

by sore / 01/04/2010 at 6:30am / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

by december2009 / 01/03/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

by grounded / 01/03/2010 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

by stillavirgin / 01/03/2010 at 2:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

by xxxzzzooo / 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

by uhhggggg / 01/02/2010 at 12:16pm / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

by Lonely / 01/02/2010 at 5:30am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

by Lisa / 01/02/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy