Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69827) - you deserved it (41878)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

#1745966
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74870) - you deserved it (3898)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

#1744807
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52018) - you deserved it (12477)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31291) - you deserved it (65440)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (95625)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98740) - you deserved it (22680)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

#1688369
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48813) - you deserved it (10806)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15075) - you deserved it (60783)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (261934) - you deserved it (17237)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (82067)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

#1592425
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69347) - you deserved it (18183)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by Lootz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

#1591881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55410) - you deserved it (7878)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by alpine75 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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