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Man or woman?

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

#2685483
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17904) - you deserved it (73607)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by zep (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12842) - you deserved it (72877)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

#2682144
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48493) - you deserved it (23370)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

#2634105
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55316) - you deserved it (4471)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by KL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

#2624268
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58961) - you deserved it (3792)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65812) - you deserved it (9308)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59170) - you deserved it (25351)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85400) - you deserved it (7051)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

#2513205
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55096) - you deserved it (31101)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Bawo (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

#2503309
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13614) - you deserved it (59456)

On 06/01/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

#2501660
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60049) - you deserved it (3535)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn't care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious. FML

#2499784
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20189) - you deserved it (59815)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by sweet_02 (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

#2499488
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118701) - you deserved it (6592)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by baron (man) - United States (Michigan)



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