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Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21442) - you deserved it (2561)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

#6081535
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23882) - you deserved it (2297)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:54am - intimacy - by franzbiel (man) - Switzerland (Luzern)

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

#6078276
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (4309)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by dtmfa (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

#6069368
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10431) - you deserved it (20966)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by man (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML

#6067617
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29892) - you deserved it (2232)

On 10/30/2009 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20585) - you deserved it (2329)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

#6055815
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18813) - you deserved it (4730)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

#6051108
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18327) - you deserved it (4616)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by crazygirl (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

#6045813
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18756) - you deserved it (2966)

On 10/28/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by LadySteph12 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

#6040415
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8273) - you deserved it (34427)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

#6030769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21487) - you deserved it (3597)

On 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by timmynotjimmy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

#6024374
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18325) - you deserved it (4144)

On 10/27/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by kjirut (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

#6009820
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18032) - you deserved it (4951)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm - intimacy - by FYLyfer (woman) - United States



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