Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

#7306098
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28182) - you deserved it (2712)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Narehs (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

#7304423
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (3184)

On 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by notasgood (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

#7300366
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10873) - you deserved it (33113)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

#7296803
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (3182)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Upbrakie - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

#7293990
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (8896)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

#7268180
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6367) - you deserved it (24559)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Drewzter (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

#7263265
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21253) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/10/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by CD (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

#7257583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21822) - you deserved it (3350)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

#7255890
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22234) - you deserved it (5794)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20643) - you deserved it (4631)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23449) - you deserved it (5837)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

#7229610
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (27054)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pervert (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21804) - you deserved it (5625)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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