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Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8939) - you deserved it (115126)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

#3215628
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61723) - you deserved it (9655)

On 06/25/2009 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

#3211870
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33389) - you deserved it (69985)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12147) - you deserved it (98960)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83108) - you deserved it (14200)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

#3190821
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67008) - you deserved it (5619)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by GettingNone - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

#3176908
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47403) - you deserved it (27757)

On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73031) - you deserved it (3169)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

#3143292
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25029) - you deserved it (68016)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

#3113124
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62554) - you deserved it (4921)

On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

#3104897
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60601) - you deserved it (4553)

On 06/21/2009 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

#3091198
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76510) - you deserved it (4630)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by picaru (woman) - United States (California)



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