Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

by pubes / 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

by shouldabeenapornstar / 03/17/2010 at 11:46am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

by Bushfan101 / 03/17/2010 at 8:48am / Intimacy

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

by today / 03/17/2010 at 2:12am / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was ‘This is less work and less involving.’ FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 10:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

by shygurl434 / 03/15/2010 at 5:14am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

by PubelishedAuthor / 03/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 1:41am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 9:19am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Intimacy