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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25225) - you deserved it (9653)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

#8471293
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:54am - intimacy - by trainhump (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22702) - you deserved it (5700)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

#8465985
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:04am - intimacy - by VahnSeiro (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

#8455591
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21561) - you deserved it (6394)

On 02/19/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

#8439216
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23751) - you deserved it (4671)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:27am - intimacy - by kit_kat14 (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

#8434762
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23674) - you deserved it (3421)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by Brett meek - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26172) - you deserved it (4117)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

#8406793
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18995) - you deserved it (4969)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by goldie09 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

#8382778
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19235) - you deserved it (2585)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by noosher0990 -

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

#8365042
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25768) - you deserved it (2585)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:40am - intimacy - by thatssickkk - United States (California)

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17162) - you deserved it (3154)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

#8317685
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26826) - you deserved it (6266)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm - intimacy - by sadsexer23 - United States (Virginia)



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