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Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

#2940204
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55849) - you deserved it (5330)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

#2921881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39562) - you deserved it (4736)

On 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Hotdamnthisismyjam (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21926) - you deserved it (35523)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

#2907219
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68415) - you deserved it (13013)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

#2890186
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43131) - you deserved it (22750)

On 06/14/2009 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by HatedbyBras (man) - Netherlands

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14191) - you deserved it (44737)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

#2881257
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8920) - you deserved it (42356)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:08am - intimacy - by ohdeardarling (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33838) - you deserved it (54216)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

#2871893
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41587) - you deserved it (5876)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by failatboys (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64673) - you deserved it (14313)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

#2780499
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66483) - you deserved it (4550)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113717) - you deserved it (71758)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19696) - you deserved it (53467)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)



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