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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

#6933705
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23317) - you deserved it (3592)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

#6927698
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6655) - you deserved it (72725)

On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#6908981
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22918) - you deserved it (3941)

On 12/23/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by everybodysfool (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23980) - you deserved it (2555)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18440) - you deserved it (4681)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

#6874607
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26114) - you deserved it (3107)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm - intimacy - by Secretisout (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

#6863042
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (9006)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:23am - intimacy - by johnG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

#6860527
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9922) - you deserved it (16616)

On 12/21/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8067) - you deserved it (21155)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

#6848390
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28618) - you deserved it (5416)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

#6841457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26115) - you deserved it (3433)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by VCR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20394) - you deserved it (3730)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (6297)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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