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Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21806) - you deserved it (53791)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

#4151663
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13197) - you deserved it (45266)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61014) - you deserved it (6521)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49750) - you deserved it (7801)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

#4103761
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40385) - you deserved it (16500)

On 07/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by BigPurplePresent (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

#4095449
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42754) - you deserved it (7280)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

#4079911
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57078) - you deserved it (4302)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by imatool (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

#4077228
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9917) - you deserved it (67009)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52057) - you deserved it (14207)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

#4069645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51429) - you deserved it (3363)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

#4062613
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44415) - you deserved it (17470)

On 07/26/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by omgwtfsam (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

#4055189
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63423) - you deserved it (6065)

On 07/26/2009 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by helpfulmom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

#4050970
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (69565)

On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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