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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18222) - you deserved it (43988)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

#4203827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17189) - you deserved it (58134)

On 08/01/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by homewrecker (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

#4200771
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39062) - you deserved it (7189)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:23am - intimacy - by Glassjaw (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

#4191218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54438) - you deserved it (10996)

On 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

#4179719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63013) - you deserved it (6476)

On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

#4176404
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66722) - you deserved it (6445)

On 07/31/2009 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Spadiethestar (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

#4165999
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41804) - you deserved it (26488)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

#4159325
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45036) - you deserved it (6211)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

#4158714
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46124) - you deserved it (4049)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40402) - you deserved it (26215)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

#4156133
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12147) - you deserved it (48290)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21804) - you deserved it (53787)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

#4151663
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13197) - you deserved it (45263)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew



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