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Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

#4995103
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14366) - you deserved it (42111)

On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

#4994494
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26441) - you deserved it (3607)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

#4994251
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18797) - you deserved it (7697)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:41am - intimacy - by Mdrk783 (man) - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22632) - you deserved it (3490)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22664) - you deserved it (6200)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML

#4985034
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6510) - you deserved it (24391)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:59pm - intimacy - by whorica139 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

#4983449
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9164) - you deserved it (36716)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33526) - you deserved it (2378)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

#4954327
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20302) - you deserved it (9370)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by sadinthesack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

#4936228
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33877) - you deserved it (4805)

On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (8397)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34637) - you deserved it (2570)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42523) - you deserved it (3384)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)



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