Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 10:46am / Intimacy

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

by ewmomew / 09/12/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

by meikd423 / 09/10/2010 at 12:36pm / Intimacy

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

by Me / 09/10/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

by karebear / 09/09/2010 at 1:33am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

by WTF?!?! / 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

by undoable / 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 4:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

by dom / 09/08/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

by Ashley / 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

by neckcrack / 09/07/2010 at 6:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy