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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7619) - you deserved it (20167)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

#6848390
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26978) - you deserved it (5231)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

#6841457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23544) - you deserved it (3183)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by VCR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18498) - you deserved it (3474)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23688) - you deserved it (6283)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

#6809033
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15890) - you deserved it (8257)

On 12/18/2009 at 10:20am - intimacy - by eatmyshipoopie (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7685) - you deserved it (20671)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27556) - you deserved it (2210)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

#6773256
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24148) - you deserved it (3850)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Unsatisfied (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29020) - you deserved it (7021)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

#6753336
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22877) - you deserved it (9486)

On 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Gassy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

#6752846
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38633) - you deserved it (3125)

On 12/14/2009 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by sadsadlady (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

#6738802
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7070) - you deserved it (15406)

On 12/13/2009 at 1:55pm - intimacy - by sorrydad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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