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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (4036)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

#11977645
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36690) - you deserved it (5317)

On 07/19/2010 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Bellagirl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

#11977098
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42533) - you deserved it (5964)

On 07/19/2010 at 2:38am - intimacy - by MandMandM (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

#11968011
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38474) - you deserved it (4505)

On 07/18/2010 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by 4fucksake (woman) - Ireland (Sligo)

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16675) - you deserved it (59064)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22396) - you deserved it (46586)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

#11907332
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36018) - you deserved it (4709)

On 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by knock_out (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

#11873804
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30011) - you deserved it (20525)

On 07/14/2010 at 11:17am - intimacy - by safetyfirst (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

#11859279
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26460) - you deserved it (43540)

On 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by allalone - United States (Georgia)

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

#11848854
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33377) - you deserved it (9052)

On 07/13/2010 at 10:27am - intimacy - by justwow (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15326) - you deserved it (40420)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

#11834698
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18719) - you deserved it (28141)

On 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

#11817765
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35525) - you deserved it (10353)

On 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by RachelVanLannen9 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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