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Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (2057)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17371) - you deserved it (2922)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

#5875952
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7118) - you deserved it (19838)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

#5875946
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40553) - you deserved it (3907)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by dyingtinkerbell (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

#5858048
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15615) - you deserved it (3679)

On 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

#5851681
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15823) - you deserved it (3614)

On 10/16/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by DamnThatsHarsh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (3555)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

#5814230
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15597) - you deserved it (29554)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by awwshit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

#5814058
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (1953)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:45am - intimacy - by LOLCATS (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16008) - you deserved it (18611)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (1789)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (3602)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26642) - you deserved it (2214)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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