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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

#5814058
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27264) - you deserved it (1952)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:45am - intimacy - by LOLCATS (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15991) - you deserved it (18605)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19213) - you deserved it (1788)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22174) - you deserved it (3599)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (2214)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

#5762164
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33236) - you deserved it (18942)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

#5754527
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19202) - you deserved it (4260)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:19am - intimacy - by Taraa3 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21056) - you deserved it (3466)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9696) - you deserved it (30232)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7752) - you deserved it (18628)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16955) - you deserved it (3372)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22761) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)



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