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Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

#7348405
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10699) - you deserved it (16572)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by nooneatall - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29174) - you deserved it (5176)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

#7336646
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21337) - you deserved it (4783)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by Nosexytime - United States

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

#7336575
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16993) - you deserved it (3729)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Jaayoung23 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

#7336128
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (2113)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:54am - intimacy - by windskurfer - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend asked me "is it in yet?" FML

#7335788
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (6426)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:06am - intimacy - by anun (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

#7325738
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (2867)

On 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by cantgetitupcantgetiton (woman) - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28499) - you deserved it (14438)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

#7306098
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (2397)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Narehs (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

#7304423
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34847) - you deserved it (3006)

On 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by notasgood (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

#7300366
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9681) - you deserved it (29840)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

#7296803
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19879) - you deserved it (2987)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Upbrakie - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

#7293990
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27832) - you deserved it (8548)

On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)



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