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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

#7103723
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20908) - you deserved it (3296)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

#7103612
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16298) - you deserved it (3823)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by uhhggggg - Sent from mobile version

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

#7100685
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18785) - you deserved it (6516)

On 01/02/2010 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Lonely (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

#7097610
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8879) - you deserved it (30746)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25577) - you deserved it (3361)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

#7080938
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11756) - you deserved it (18743)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

#7070620
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22568) - you deserved it (3716)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by welted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

#7070203
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9335) - you deserved it (27923)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by meeranda - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

#7031264
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19765) - you deserved it (2133)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:36am - intimacy - by kte (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

#7025627
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (2606)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:03am - intimacy - by wheresthelove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15161) - you deserved it (2545)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

#7020893
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9164) - you deserved it (19528)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by queen (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

#7020543
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24502) - you deserved it (9470)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Rawr (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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