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Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

#6526778
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34124) - you deserved it (2701)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Janer88 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

#6507580
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17153) - you deserved it (3327)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by hawaiianlovechild - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

#6501664
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9285) - you deserved it (26504)

On 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by nickyy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

#6494612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30327) - you deserved it (4519)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by chacha - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

#6488326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21130) - you deserved it (5964)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20722) - you deserved it (3120)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21880) - you deserved it (5193)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19421) - you deserved it (6702)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

#6460097
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20596) - you deserved it (1913)

On 11/26/2009 at 9:19am - intimacy - by whattheshit (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

#6456555
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21025) - you deserved it (11085)

On 11/26/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by ehwat (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

#6451435
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8374) - you deserved it (25237)

On 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by NotSoSexy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

#6441814
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (6330)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:23am - intimacy - by sexyconvo (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

#6437512
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (5009)

On 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by deathbysnoosnoo - United States (California)



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