Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

by ph2222 / 10/05/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

by itsbeenalongday / 09/27/2015 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

by erphy21 / 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

by Enanimus / 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML

by scoobysnarks / 09/24/2015 at 7:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

by dormlyfe / 09/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 8:43am / Malta / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2015 at 9:00am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

by M / 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

by no I've never asked for anal / 09/20/2015 at 9:44am / United States (New York) / Intimacy