Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 10:35am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

by rockefoe / 11/15/2010 at 3:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

by vansboy / 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

by sad gf / 11/14/2010 at 3:29pm / Intimacy

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 7:45pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

by Cantbreath94 / 11/13/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

by penguins / 11/12/2010 at 7:30pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML

by roberto / 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Intimacy

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

by lisacasabonita / 11/12/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy