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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9668) - you deserved it (30157)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7719) - you deserved it (18557)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16890) - you deserved it (3366)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19218) - you deserved it (2748)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22520) - you deserved it (2840)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

#5669435
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (4583)

On 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

#5661847
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21531) - you deserved it (4268)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by swedishguy (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

#5638225
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21828) - you deserved it (7094)

On 10/04/2009 at 7:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4460) - you deserved it (15418)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

#5626846
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15989) - you deserved it (4255)

On 10/03/2009 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by ohnoooooo (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

#5618437
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16348) - you deserved it (3463)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:20am - intimacy - by lauz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33073) - you deserved it (2746)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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