Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 10:24am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 4:00am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 2:36am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the doctor's office, they did their regular check up, and found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was a hickey from my boyfriend. FML

by hickhick / 10/17/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

by Shooter71 / 10/16/2010 at 12:09am / Intimacy

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 1:15pm / Nepal / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me "don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

by anouk05 / 10/15/2010 at 1:13am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

by tman / 10/14/2010 at 4:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy