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Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19452) - you deserved it (1856)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19830) - you deserved it (5994)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22120) - you deserved it (3159)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

#6580116
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30705) - you deserved it (2230)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18448) - you deserved it (10294)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

#6568411
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23916) - you deserved it (7634)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by randm1 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24110) - you deserved it (5415)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26962) - you deserved it (2457)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

#6526778
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34047) - you deserved it (2698)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Janer88 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

#6507580
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17095) - you deserved it (3322)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by hawaiianlovechild - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

#6501664
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9272) - you deserved it (26439)

On 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by nickyy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

#6494612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30241) - you deserved it (4511)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by chacha - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

#6488326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21055) - you deserved it (5952)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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