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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

#9994288
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37076) - you deserved it (9230)

On 04/19/2010 at 4:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

#9950878
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12001) - you deserved it (52017)

On 04/17/2010 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by BoobSicle (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

#9913301
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41766) - you deserved it (20612)

On 04/16/2010 at 12:03am - intimacy - by shmelly - United States

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11965) - you deserved it (40739)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18675) - you deserved it (43471)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got my son's phone bill (the phone I got him to call us from college). I found out he's been calling a phone sex hotline everyday. He hasn't called us once. FML

#9796070
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (8222)

On 04/11/2010 at 2:34am - intimacy - by dannytriplet - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66560) - you deserved it (6661)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

#9672080
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30112) - you deserved it (5289)

On 04/06/2010 at 3:10am - intimacy - by BluBaller (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

#9645798
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33466) - you deserved it (9454)

On 04/05/2010 at 3:32am - intimacy - by FASHlONABLE - United States (California)

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43197) - you deserved it (7794)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

#9572615
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27833) - you deserved it (6651)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:24am - intimacy - by kmang33 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

#9519577
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12363) - you deserved it (64633)

On 03/31/2010 at 3:56am - intimacy - by darthmilfious - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

#9516462
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12153) - you deserved it (30288)

On 03/31/2010 at 12:44am - intimacy - by imsorrylove - United States



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