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Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

#5634739
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3856) - you deserved it (13986)

On 10/04/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by masterfail (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

#5626846
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14295) - you deserved it (4029)

On 10/03/2009 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by ohnoooooo (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

#5618437
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11886) - you deserved it (2570)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:20am - intimacy - by lauz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30481) - you deserved it (2516)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7231) - you deserved it (22409)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

#5579419
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20790) - you deserved it (4425)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:10am - intimacy - by betchyo (man) - United States (Massachusetts) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

#5579275
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (34066)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17753) - you deserved it (3294)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5715) - you deserved it (26323)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a school committee meeting. I sat opposite my boyfriend. To get his attention I began stroking his crotch area with my leg. The principal stood up 5 minutes later pulling me under the table. My tights were caught in his zipper. FML

#5548744
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6747) - you deserved it (29926)

On 09/29/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by clumssyXO (woman) - Hungary (Veszprem)

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

#5528599
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23104) - you deserved it (5340)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

#5522380
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7647) - you deserved it (25539)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Oops54321 (man) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)



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