Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

#6191622
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (2032)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by iMarriedmymother (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24347) - you deserved it (4795)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25274) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

#6164199
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17012) - you deserved it (2783)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:25am - intimacy - by Cate (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

#6161509
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20685) - you deserved it (1728)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Meggie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

#6160580
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5723) - you deserved it (27102)

On 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Metime (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was on web cam to my girlfriend who was naked. She turned the web cam to point to the screen for a second and she was also on web cam with another guy. FML

#6151203
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23115) - you deserved it (2674)

On 11/04/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by angry (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was 'the colours don't match'. FML

#6148778
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17640) - you deserved it (4737)

On 11/04/2009 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#6137228
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23860) - you deserved it (2159)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by buckid310 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

#6133031
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18777) - you deserved it (6450)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

#6131702
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9035) - you deserved it (23787)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:25am - intimacy - by Lovestupid (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

#6129909
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5962) - you deserved it (17881)

On 11/03/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by HadToApologize (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

#6126776
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18365) - you deserved it (3596)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely something…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: