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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9145) - you deserved it (33291)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

#6970974
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28451) - you deserved it (2478)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38721) - you deserved it (4123)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

#6952293
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17784) - you deserved it (3176)

On 12/26/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

#6951563
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17973) - you deserved it (4358)

On 12/26/2009 at 2:22am - intimacy - by boyfriendisatoss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

#6945268
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18912) - you deserved it (2844)

On 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

#6933705
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22556) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

#6927698
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6576) - you deserved it (72085)

On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#6908981
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (3679)

On 12/23/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by everybodysfool (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21086) - you deserved it (2285)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18222) - you deserved it (4655)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

#6874607
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23787) - you deserved it (2904)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm - intimacy - by Secretisout (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

#6863042
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (8416)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:23am - intimacy - by johnG (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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