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Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

#9371733
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10159) - you deserved it (23640)

On 03/25/2010 at 4:00am - intimacy - by ouch (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

#9361174
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29511) - you deserved it (4319)

On 03/24/2010 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by lonelyniceguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

#9351923
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (4297)

On 03/24/2010 at 11:00am - intimacy - by suckstobeme - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

#9327043
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33388) - you deserved it (4161)

On 03/23/2010 at 10:51am - intimacy - by BadtoWorse (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

#9261656
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8415) - you deserved it (47251)

On 03/21/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by retard99 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

#9244161
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (6136)

On 03/20/2010 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by drew_ar85 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

#9238749
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29835) - you deserved it (3826)

On 03/20/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

#9211500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25435) - you deserved it (20249)

On 03/19/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16542) - you deserved it (20898)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14181) - you deserved it (33370)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

#9181615
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20355) - you deserved it (3847)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:24am - intimacy - by burgeee - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

#9180721
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10637) - you deserved it (44827)

On 03/18/2010 at 4:21am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

#9171257
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24140) - you deserved it (2498)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by pubes (man) - United States (South Dakota)



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