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Man or woman?

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18369) - you deserved it (10268)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

#6568411
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23838) - you deserved it (7623)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by randm1 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (5410)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (2454)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

#6526778
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33971) - you deserved it (2696)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Janer88 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

#6507580
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17048) - you deserved it (3313)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by hawaiianlovechild - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

#6501664
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9083) - you deserved it (26044)

On 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by nickyy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

#6494612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30162) - you deserved it (4505)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by chacha - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

#6488326
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20994) - you deserved it (5946)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19611) - you deserved it (2978)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (5095)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19279) - you deserved it (6685)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

#6460097
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20448) - you deserved it (1904)

On 11/26/2009 at 9:19am - intimacy - by whattheshit (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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