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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

#21323779
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (15126)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:13am - intimacy - by VCDUDE11FTW - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

#21322801
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41542) - you deserved it (3671)

On 12/23/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33365) - you deserved it (4212)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33451) - you deserved it (4606)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38770) - you deserved it (7770)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33376) - you deserved it (3899)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41066) - you deserved it (4728)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

#21316711
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32239) - you deserved it (6173)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:03am - intimacy - by giantcuntflaps (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37264) - you deserved it (6819)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

#21316146
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35171) - you deserved it (5210)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25835) - you deserved it (12605)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States



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