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Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86166) - you deserved it (6177)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

#20939175
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42851) - you deserved it (13341)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by English_Nut117 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45387) - you deserved it (7781)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52115) - you deserved it (9183)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64609) - you deserved it (8557)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53487) - you deserved it (5111)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53033) - you deserved it (9083)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

#20933461
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41055) - you deserved it (6550)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by NOKHAN (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47306) - you deserved it (5549)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

#20930754
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (4072)

On 10/23/2013 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48751) - you deserved it (8381)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52822) - you deserved it (3902)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

#20927617
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49525) - you deserved it (4485)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by U_U (woman) - United States



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