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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31178) - you deserved it (4920)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34150) - you deserved it (3448)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36332) - you deserved it (2948)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

#21410572
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37032) - you deserved it (3270)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by nazirah4shizzle (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

#21410043
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33683) - you deserved it (3331)

On 05/14/2015 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by semokco (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33192) - you deserved it (4659)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35572) - you deserved it (5701)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35373) - you deserved it (6582)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21794) - you deserved it (39693)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33872) - you deserved it (8714)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35813) - you deserved it (6413)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35931) - you deserved it (5367)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33068) - you deserved it (3836)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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