Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

by Nightshade823 / 11/10/2016 at 2:12pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

by KnowledgableEx / 11/10/2016 at 7:42am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML

by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

by Fartini / 11/07/2016 at 1:47am / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

by Arizonagirl / 11/06/2016 at 2:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

by BejeweledJizz / 11/05/2016 at 8:29am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

by Wheresthecreamfilling / 11/03/2016 at 2:03am / Intimacy

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

by 2in longer / 11/01/2016 at 8:57am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, after having surgery and told not to have sex for two weeks, I've been begging my boyfriend to allow me to give him a blowjob, trying to be nice. He doesn't want to because he can't reciprocate. Not only has not having sex drove me insane, so is not being able to touch my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2016 at 2:25am / United States / Intimacy

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 4:31am / Intimacy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

by cheekymonkey97 / 10/24/2016 at 12:48pm / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

by bandeek / 10/23/2016 at 2:52pm / Intimacy

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

by genderless / 10/17/2016 at 3:34pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy