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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

#21452790
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24536) - you deserved it (5809)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

#21452283
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27371) - you deserved it (2277)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by TheIVkindaruinsthemood (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (1870)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

#21452187
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22199) - you deserved it (4089)

On 08/05/2015 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32741) - you deserved it (6071)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23672) - you deserved it (2892)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17391) - you deserved it (28277)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16447) - you deserved it (25402)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26430) - you deserved it (2077)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25286) - you deserved it (7107)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (8446)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23716) - you deserved it (2826)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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