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Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

#21266104
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35481) - you deserved it (9294)

On 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39360) - you deserved it (6252)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

Today, what I thought was going to be a lunch date turned into a life insurance sales pitch. FML

#21263186
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32277) - you deserved it (2799)

On 09/22/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by WhiteCaribbean (man) - Saint Lucia (Castries)

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40046) - you deserved it (4719)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21262395
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (328) - you deserved it (7864)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:33am - intimacy - by royallymessedup - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38809) - you deserved it (5548)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37913) - you deserved it (9770)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Duluxe". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
91 comments

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44090) - you deserved it (5530)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44123) - you deserved it (6254)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37830) - you deserved it (5817)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML



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