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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

#21437177
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24103) - you deserved it (2148)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:30am - intimacy - by I'm_Not_Interested - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27904) - you deserved it (3712)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

#21435969
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26813) - you deserved it (1583)

On 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by but cum to think of it... (man) -

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

#21435204
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24113) - you deserved it (3770)

On 07/02/2015 at 1:53am - intimacy - by mirandale (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

#21434895
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29378) - you deserved it (1785)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

#21431510
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28335) - you deserved it (3683)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

#21430531
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27601) - you deserved it (1714)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:07am - intimacy - by UkuleleTime - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (1938)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

#21429840
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24513) - you deserved it (1670)

On 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm - intimacy - by koanroak - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28408) - you deserved it (1678)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29787) - you deserved it (12277)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

#21427104
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (6035)

On 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by bootyislife (man) - United States (Washington)



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