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Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41252) - you deserved it (12392)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I found out as we were talking, waiting for him to come outside after work. FML

#21288734
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35848) - you deserved it (3113)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by taylor w - United States

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (24143)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35788) - you deserved it (7170)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26411) - you deserved it (34589)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40450) - you deserved it (8707)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35266) - you deserved it (7812)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33889) - you deserved it (5431)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

#21284688
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31353) - you deserved it (3722)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37730) - you deserved it (10988)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33463) - you deserved it (5493)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

#21283288
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42879) - you deserved it (3163)

On 10/22/2014 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by BadLuckLad (man) - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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