Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

by M / 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

by no I've never asked for anal / 09/20/2015 at 9:44am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2015 at 9:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

by Lady Vulva of the Redwater / 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2015 at 1:56am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

by annabellatrix / 09/14/2015 at 2:20pm / Hungary / Intimacy

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

by Queen LaQueefah / 09/13/2015 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

by Ugh / 09/13/2015 at 2:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

by lobotomy pls / 09/11/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

by smh / 09/10/2015 at 2:09am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

by Doesn't Matter Had Sex / 09/08/2015 at 10:37pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy