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Man or woman?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38998) - you deserved it (4228)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you deserved it (5040)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

#21275167
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39953) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/10/2014 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by housewiththinwalls - Sweden

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35696) - you deserved it (21590)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

#21275034
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38791) - you deserved it (5803)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40385) - you deserved it (18310)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (37374)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38910) - you deserved it (3923)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45607) - you deserved it (10050)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36664) - you deserved it (10969)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

#21269125
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40216) - you deserved it (4855)

On 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by notatherapist - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39230) - you deserved it (7780)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23629) - you deserved it (32923)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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