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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (3246)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19445) - you deserved it (31095)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18678) - you deserved it (28076)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

#21449578
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30054) - you deserved it (2726)

On 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28290) - you deserved it (8326)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27787) - you deserved it (9097)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (3153)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31403) - you deserved it (2660)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27504) - you deserved it (5502)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

#21447742
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (3054)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by wot02 (woman) - United States

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32716) - you deserved it (5791)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (2859)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

#21446247
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (10826)

On 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by stargate25 (man) - United States (Colorado)



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