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Man or woman?

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (9828)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (2674)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30863) - you deserved it (11878)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

#21340989
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33956) - you deserved it (5177)

On 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by fun in functioning, I suppose - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

#21340673
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29425) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by BDSM4Jesus - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38335) - you deserved it (6053)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

#21339798
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (2466)

On 01/18/2015 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

#21339329
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39228) - you deserved it (2667)

On 01/18/2015 at 1:29am - intimacy - by virginwhore (woman) -

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

#21337152
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29607) - you deserved it (7092)

On 01/14/2015 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by imsorry (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32916) - you deserved it (11862)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32327) - you deserved it (6950)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

#21335513
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39571) - you deserved it (3596)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by reallyson? - United States (Massachusetts)



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