Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37124) - you deserved it (19880)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

#21029617
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63660) - you deserved it (6043)

On 01/16/2014 at 8:37am - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58182) - you deserved it (5174)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56626) - you deserved it (13921)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52294) - you deserved it (5201)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52018) - you deserved it (11045)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53246) - you deserved it (32368)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57945) - you deserved it (7891)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48855) - you deserved it (7571)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

#21022635
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50441) - you deserved it (4553)

On 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by ReallyMom - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57287) - you deserved it (6942)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59280) - you deserved it (25743)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States



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