Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38948) - you deserved it (21165)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45672) - you deserved it (11462)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45915) - you deserved it (16684)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40658) - you deserved it (22394)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43880) - you deserved it (9916)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50202) - you deserved it (9907)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42680) - you deserved it (7036)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55917) - you deserved it (8992)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48241) - you deserved it (7523)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34788) - you deserved it (56699)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (19892)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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