Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

by hiitisbrooke / 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

by angelisa / 11/21/2015 at 9:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

by LilPie / 11/19/2015 at 5:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner / 11/16/2015 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

by BashyDaBest / 11/14/2015 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

by notyourmummy / 11/12/2015 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Isle of Wight) / Intimacy