Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 3:29am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML

by UnicornWaffles / 03/16/2016 at 1:23pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

by again? / 03/15/2016 at 6:03am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

by Anon / 03/15/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

by cemakara3 / 03/12/2016 at 3:07pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, after 6 months of university, sex was finally had in my bed. Unfortunately, I had no part in it, though I was in the bed while it happened. FML

by AwkCockBlock / 03/06/2016 at 7:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

by gayvsgay / 03/06/2016 at 10:31am / Germany (Saarland) / Intimacy

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

by itssomething / 03/01/2016 at 3:15pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

by kayla53 / 02/29/2016 at 11:17am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2016 at 2:27am / Japan (Saitama) / Intimacy

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy