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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

#21145062
192 comments

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47769) - you deserved it (13567)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52177) - you deserved it (5042)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53617) - you deserved it (7549)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32784) - you deserved it (52516)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22792) - you deserved it (53437)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

#21135207
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46941) - you deserved it (5532)

On 05/09/2014 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by CEO - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

#21133668
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61481) - you deserved it (14118)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

#21132642
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (39433)

On 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52025) - you deserved it (19029)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45186) - you deserved it (22571)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)



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