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Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

#21466320
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23148) - you deserved it (4076)

On 09/08/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Doesn't Matter Had Sex - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

#21466295
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26459) - you deserved it (2820)

On 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Mrs. Ned - United States (Nevada)

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

#21465748
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29007) - you deserved it (2176)

On 09/07/2015 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by annonymous (man) - United States

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

#21465627
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28216) - you deserved it (2651)

On 09/07/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

#21465314
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27531) - you deserved it (7453)

On 09/06/2015 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

#21464906
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24785) - you deserved it (7658)

On 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by ManderDander (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

#21464688
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22584) - you deserved it (8504)

On 09/04/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

#21464487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25640) - you deserved it (2995)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:58am - intimacy - by natalyV (woman) -

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

#21464284
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (3065)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

#21463837
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26104) - you deserved it (2102)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Hooty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29107) - you deserved it (2327)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29822) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)



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